


I can't help it

by nerily



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Fanboys - Freeform, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Sara and Mila are matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11439360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerily/pseuds/nerily
Summary: Five times in Emil and Michele's lives when jealousy led them.Written for AzmineJunet for the EmiMike Exchange.





	I can't help it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AzmineJunet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzmineJunet/gifts).



> Written for the EmiMike Exchange.
> 
> For AzmineJunet, this isn't probably what you expected, but I hope you'll like it as well!
> 
> Unbetad, probably full of mistakes, please forgive me.

He was thirteen years old and freaking excited.

 

A voice in the back of his mind was saying that, probably, he was excited for the wrong reason. But that voice was common sense and Emil had already decided that he didn’t need it.

 

And he could be excited for multiple reasons, right?

 

Well, of course, this was his first competition in the juniores. He could feel the fear and the happiness, the thrill that he experienced each time he was on the ice and heard the first notes of his music. He loved the way he felt on the ice. It was his favourite thing in the world.

 

This was his debut in the juniores and he clearly was pure agitation.

 

But the reason he was probably going to melt was ten feet from him, had brown hair and purple eyes. The young man Emil was looking as if he were the holy grail was Michele Crispino, aka Emil’s idol and favourite skater. He was just there talking with a beautiful girl Emil knew was Michele’s twin, Sara.

 

In a moment of pure ecstasy he stayed there, immobilized. He was looking to his idol for the first time, he wasn’t beyond the flat screen of the television or far away on the ice, he was in the same room Emil was. It seemed a dream. He was real and he was so close he could touch him.

 

He wasn’t really thinking when he sprinted towards the older boy. But in occasions like that Emil never thought, he just acted. Thinking was a loss of time and the voices in his head that were saying “ _Go, he is there, touch him, speak to him, hug him”_ were much louder than the one that was whispering “ _Wait, you can’t just jump on other people”._

 

He didn’t really jumped on Michele, but he stopped eight inches from him grabbing and shaking his hand.

 

He could feel tears of happines in his eyes.

 

The older boy turned with an expression of surprise and bother and opened his mouth ready to say something.

 

But Emil started speaking at the impossible speed his parents said he managed to reach every time he talked about something he liked, he barely managed to not switch to czech.

 

“Michele I’m your biggest fan, I watch all your competition, you’re just the best, I want to skate like you. I’m Emil Nekola from Czech Republic, this is my first competition in this category. I’ll do my best, please watch my exhibition, I’m not good as you and I’m sure you will win today, but you’ll make me the happiest boy in the world.” Emil had left Michele’s hand and had started jumping and gesticulating, trying desperately to order his thoughts. Michele was looking at him perplexed and Emil could see his cheeks red from blushing. The sound he could hear was probably Sara’s laughter, but Emil wasn’t sure and he really couldn’t looked away from Michele. “So please, please, please, look at my programs. I hope we’ll meet again when I’ll be better. I really want to be your best friend, I bet we’ll get along perfectly.”

 

Emil stopped, clearly waiting for an answer, his heart was beating insanely. His fists closed near his face, wide eyes looking straight to Michele. He was the picture of happiness and hope. Michele, instead was clearly speechless and he looked as if he wasn’t sure Emil was real or not. The intense moment was interrupted by Sara, who cleared her throat.

 

Then Michele, still confused answered “Yes, sur-”

 

Emil didn’t even listen to all the sentence, he jumped laughing “I won’t disappoint you, now I have to get ready, see you next time!” And he bolted away, fast as he had appeared, leaving a laughing Sara and a suspicious Michele.

 

He would have loved the idea of spending the day with them, but he literally runned away from his father and he didn’t want to worry him.

 

(Years later, remembering that day, Michele would say that he answered that way because Emil didn’t even glanced at his sister and because the younger boy looked as though he would cry if he were to answer with a no. And Michele really didn’t know how to deal with crying children.

 

But the story didn’t ended that way. The second part was a secret only Emil knew and remembered always with a smile, feeling a little ashamed.)

* * *

 

Two months later he was in his ice rink in Ostrava. The competition where he met Michele for the first time went quite well. He, of course, wasn’t on the podium (but Michele was and Emil was happy the same) but it had been his best performance ever since. He knew that the credit was knowing that Michele was looking at him, he had tried so hard to impress him.

 

He was happy and proud of himself and the memories of his meeting with the Italian still made him smile even after months.

 

He was in the locker room, in the state of pure happiness that waited him after a long training. His thoughts were wandering between what the coach had said to him during the day, the dinner, since he was really hungry, and the film his father said he wanted to watch with him.

 

He was almost ready to go when he heard one of those words that always caught his attention: games, french fries, ice skating, parachuting (he was still too young, but he sweared he had to do that)  and Michele Crispino. He turned listening to one of his older mates, David.

 

He had always had a good relationship with his rink mates, he was friendly with everybody and always joked even with the older ones, who sometimes considered him a little too invading, but in the end they were found of him and appreciated his contagious enthusiasm.

So Emil neared to join David’s conversation, he was talking about the most promising juniores that would have probably joined the seniores the year after. And of course Michele and his sister were one of those. Being the greater fan of Michele didn’t mean that Emil didn’t admire each and every of his fellow competitors, he was ready to give his opinions, but then he understood what David was saying.

 

“You know how Crispino is: grumpy, he never smiles and he is creepy attached to his twin sister. I mean, do you remember he punched two or three other guys who looked at her in a disrespectful way, as he said. But, damn the way he skates, I’m sure he won’t have problems in the seniors next year.”

 

Emil knew that Michele wasn’t the most cheerful person in the world and he looked at enough of his competitions to know that he abandoned his frown just for his sister. But that wouldn't have been a problem: Emil had always been the best at making people smile, with Michele it wouldn’t have be much different, maybe more difficult, but he was ready.

 

Emil was about to agree with David when the older boy started talking again addressing to the other guys in the room  “You know, we have quite a nice relationship. We always talk before competitions, it’s something rare for him. I guess I could say we are good friend.”

 

“No.” Emil said that with a bitter tone unusual for him, indeed the boys in the room turned to watch at him and they saw that the smile that always was on Emil face had disappeared. He was looking at David deadly serious, he walked towards him, his arms crossed, his eyes showing he was ready to fight.

 

“Emil, wha-” David started, confused by Emil’s strange behaviour. But Emil interrupted him, with a certainty in his tone that didn’t admit replies.

 

“I’m Michele’s friend, he said that last competition. And he watched my programs, we talked and he said I could be his best friend.”

 

A voice in Emil’s head was whispering that a person could have more than just one friend, that he was acting childish and he should have apologized for his behaviour. But he didn’t care. Everybody should have known that Emil was Michele’s friend, and he was going to become his best friend. Because, unfortunately, Emil knew that their only and short conversation wasn’t enough to declare himself Michele’s best friend.

 

“I know Michele is not a friendly person, and that he rarely speaks with anybody. But I’m going to become his best friend anyway. That role is mine. Just mine.”

 

Emil needed to make clear for everybody his intentions. He couldn’t permit David or anybody else to stole his role.

 

His serious tone had convinced everybody to not even try to reply. David just nodded, still confused “Ok ok, sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Some of the boys in the room were laughing in silence, because what just happened was so improbable it was funny. Emil didn’t care. He just thought that he had made himself clear and he had defended his future role, so he was satisfied.

 

He turned and left the room, because his mother was surely waiting for him and he didn’t want to make her wait more than the necessary.

 

And because he was starting to realize what he had just done and he could feel his cheeks blushing.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


They were… somewhere. Michele didn’t knew the name of the club and he didn’t care to know. He had always hated clubs: he didn’t like to “dance” ( he refused to accept that strange movements as some sort of dance), he didn’t like to drink what they served and he didn’t like to be touched by so many people. Because, of course, their club had to be the most crowded in the town. Michele should have probably expected that, since it had been Emil to choose their place of destination.

 

He had accepted to go just because of Sara: the original group was him, Sara, Emil and Mila. He hadn’t expected to spent his night babysitting Emil, because Sara and Mila had left one hour before, and Sara had made clear that she didn’t want Michele to join them.

 

An year before he would have refused to leave his sister alone, but now he was a different man. Well, at least he was trying. His sister needed more space and independence, and, to not lose her, Michele had to let her go. At the beginning it didn’t make sense, but now Michele was starting to understand.

 

So, to please his sister, he had been abandoned in a club where he didn’t wanted to go in the first place, with Emil. Well, at least he _had_ been with Emil, the younger had tried to make him dance for about half an hour with no success. So he decided to go by himself and now he was somewhere on the dancefloor.

 

Michele liked Emil, he didn’t have many friends, but he was sure Emil was one of those. They always did something together after competitions, he seemed the only one except his sister to stand his grumpiness, they even texted during the year. Emil’s was the only number Michele had, actually the other had stolen his phone and had memorized his own number in it “So we can talk even when we are out of season, Micky!”.

 

They were friends, he didn’t know why, but they were. Even if Emil was constantly too much, always euphoric, always happy and full of energy. Sometimes his presence was exhausting, but, in the end, Michele appreciated his enthusiasm, as long as he stayed away from his sister. Of course.

 

As if he knew Michele was thinking about him, Emil appeared in front of him. He was still dancing, his moves remembered somehow his free skating, even if the music didn’t have anything to do with it.

 

Michele started looking away, but then he saw who was with Emil. A group of three or four girls was dancing near him and they were clearly trying to get his attention. The idiot was focused on the music and he hadn’t noticed that he had gained somebody’s attentions. Michele didn’t know why, but he couldn’t look away anymore.

 

He was probably carrying more attention to the girls than Emil was. There was something in that scene that bothered Michele. The way those chicks were looking at Emil, how they were moving, and the fact that Emil wasn’t doing anything to stop them, to say that he was there with somebody. Even if Michele refused everything the other had proposed that night, he was still there because he knew Emil would have done those things even alone, and Michele didn’t want to let him alone, even if he would have never admitted that.

 

His body moved without asking his brain, he stood up and started walking toward Emil and the girls. He knew he was making a fool of himself, but he couldn’t leave those girls with Emil. He had to do something, because Emil wasn’t doing anything, he probably hadn’t even noticed.

 

He didn’t want to admit that what he was feeling was jealousy and protectiveness. For Emil. That didn’t make any sense. But Michele was working hard to let Sara go, to have friends, to have fun, maybe a girlfriend (because Michele wasn’t stupid and he liked Mila too somehow), to have a life without him. It wasn’t easy, but he was trying. And he knew he couldn’t let Emil go right now. He knew he and Emil were friends, their relationship had nothing to do with the one with his sister. But he needed him, in that moment more than ever. Because he couldn’t live without both of them in his life.

 

He knew nothing was happening: Emil was dancing, some girls were trying to flirt with him without success. But still Michele could feel a sense of displeasure and bother in his chest and he decided he had to act.

 

He arrived in front of Emil, between him and the girls, who looked surprised but didn’t seem to mind his appearance. As always, Emil’s smile greeted him.

 

“Micky! Have you decided to dance? Really?’” he said moving, if possible, even more.

 

“I was bored.” Michele said dancing.

 

The music was too loud and Emil had to come closer to speak with Michele “If you really want we can leave, it’s not a problem.”

 

Michele shacked his head and said “No, it’s all right.”

 

Then he decided to dance trying to let himself go. Despite his hate for club’s music he found out that it wasn’t really that bad, he waited for the stupid cocktail he had drunk to make effect and moved near Emil, not really dancing with him.

 

He soon understood that his attempt to make the girls go away had been vanuos. He had been surrounded by the girls, who were now trying to get his attention. He was feeling a little uncomfortable, he had never really appreciated that kind of consideration, in any way. He was starting regretting his choice to come there. But he noticed that Emil was finally free, no one was trying to get his attention, no girl trying to dance with him, to touch him. He was just there, dancing, absorbed in the music and in his stupid movements, he looked so happy.

 

Then Emil opened his eyes and gave him one of his big smile.

 

Michele decided that he could deal with all the girls in the world to keep Emil with him just for another night.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Emil had thought it would have been a good idea.

Clearly he had been wrong.

 

Doing something after a competition had always been a tradition for them, this time Emil had convinced them to go a pub instead of the usual club. Emil loved going for club, he always had a lot of fun, he adored dancing like crazy knowing that nobody was looking at him to judge his capacity and movements. But most of the fun was, of course, the company: Sara and Mila were two of the people he had more fun with. Mila was completely crazy and dramatic, Emil had always questioned himself if it was that her rink’s mates had some sort of influence on her or vice versa. He always laughed a lot when he was with her and the presence of Sara made everything better. She was a precious and kind girl, but she knew what she wanted and how to get it. He had known both of them since a lot of time, first Sara and then Mila, and he loved them so much.

 

But there was somebody else he cared of more and he was the reason he knew Sara in the first place. Of course that person was his best friend Michele Crispino.

 

He had kept his promise: with time he had get to know the Italian and, competition after competition, text after text and with a little help from Sara, he became his friend. He knew he was one of the few friends Michele had, mostly because of the other’s personality. But Emil had learnt to appreciate even Michele’s rougher parts. The facts that Emil rarely got angry with anybody and that Michele never offended him with his sharp comments, helped. A lot. They were compatible, because of that they were best friend, and Emil knew Michele cared for him.

 

He had always thought that he loved Michele as a friend, like a brother and he was fortunate the sentiment was mutual, even if Michele would have never admitted it.

 

But. But there was a problem.

 

That wasn’t enough anymore. He had realised that four months before: he was watching one of Michele’s performances when he found a sweet smile on his own mouth and heard at his inner self thinking “God, I love him.”

 

That was problematic. He knew that, even if Michele somehow appreciated Emil’s presence in his life, he would have never seen Emil as something more than a friend. Emil was fully aware of that and he silenced decided to get over it. His friendship with Michele was much more important that his own stupid and inopportune feelings.

 

It wasn’t easy. At all. Because each time Michele smiled, talked with him, texted him back, each time he could see him, hear him, feel his presence near him it was a reminder of the reason he loved him. Because he was Michele, nothing more. So easy, but at the same time so difficult.

 

But he had always managed to survive, to ignore the warm in his chest,  to just be his friend.

He was having succes. But then.

 

 _But then_.

 

Emil had the insane idea to go to a pub instead of the typical club, because he knew Michele hated going to clubs and he went always with them because he didn’t want to leave his sister alone. _Alone._ Her relationship with Mila was clear for everybody, but Michele. Even if Emil suspected Michele was just pretending to not know.

 

So Emil decided to go a pub, and the others had appreciated the idea, even Michele, that had shown his approvement by not saying anything. But Emil didn’t earned his job as Michele’s friend without knowing how to read him.

 

The fact was, that they were having fun, a lot.

 

And Emil had some drinks, a lot.

 

And Emil’s self control was probably gone.

 

Surely gone.

 

He knew that, but everything was so funny, he even managed to make Michele laugh with one of his drunk jokes. No competition was waiting him the day after and he was just happy. Mila and Sara had left almost an hour before and he could have talked, watched, worshipped Michele. They were alone. Well, they were in a pub full of people, but they were alone.

 

Emil would have done and given anything to spend one more night like that.

 

But that was just a foolish dream, of course, he and Michele would have spent many nights like that in the future. But not how Emil longed for.

 

The role he wanted for himself in Michele’s life would had never been his. Emil knew that. He could yet see the beautiful woman that would have stolen Michele’s heart. He could see her silhouette in the back of his mind, her eyes, her hair, he could smell her perfume.

 

Thinking to his enemy had completely ruined his mood. He was ready to excuse himself and leave for his room when he realised he wasn’t in the pub anymore, he was somewhere in the hotel. It was all blurry and he couldn’t tell exactly where he was, but his brain registered another presence.

 

Michele.

 

He was carrying Emil to his room probably. Emil turned his head and focalised on Michele’s face. He was so beautiful his chest ached. But he was not his.

 

“I’m sorry.” Emil said, he could hear his miserable thone.

 

“Well, you better be. Why did you had to waste yourself like this? Now I have to bring you back to your room. You’re a pain in the ass sometimes.” Michele wasn’t really pissed off, he was just pretending to be angry, he did that so many times Emil didn’t care anymore.

 

“It’s not that, I’m sorry because I don’t like your fiancee”

 

“Wait, what?” Michele sounded surprised, of course, he didn’t expected his best friend to hate his perfect girlfriend. But Emil couldn’t lie to him.

 

“Your girlfriend, I know, she is beautiful, and kind, and perfect. But I hate her. I’m sorry, but I can’t help.”

 

“Emil what are you talking about? I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t want a girlfriend.” They had stopped in the middle of the hallway. Michele was talking nonsense, maybe he didn’t have a girlfriend in that moment, but sooner or later he would. It was sure, and it was sure Emil would have hated her. Just for being Michele’s girlfriend.

 

“You will, and I hate her. She would probably have one of those Italian sexy names like Emanuela or Marisa… a name you can’t forget… something like Amelia. Yes Amelia. I know it’s mean, but I can’t stand her.”

 

He heard Michele snorting, they were moving again. “Yes, yes, I understand. I forgive you. Now let’s go to sleep.”

 

“No Micky, it’s not ok. I’m a terrible person. Amelia is perfect, she is so beautiful, always wearing those long red dresses, he always listen to you and never suffocate you with her blabbing like I do. She is kind and patience. But I can’t like her, I’m sorry. Because you like her.” They were at the door of Emil’s room, Michele was struggling trying to open the door and to keep Emil steady. At the end he won over the lock and he managed to transfer Emil in the room.

 

“Ok, Emil I don’t care if you don’t like my imaginary girlfriend. But I want you to lay on your bed. You’re not going to throw up, right? I could kill you for that.”

 

Michele was clearly not listening to him. He was talking about worthless things. He had just confessed he hated his future bride and he couldn’t care less! Probably Emil was a little drunk and he didn’t explain himself properly.

 

“Michele listen to me. I’m sorry, I know it’s not her fault, but I can’t love her. She is adorable and she is perfect for you, but I can’t look at her.” Michele was now near him and was laughing. Emil didn’t understand, but he was looking at Michele’s face and that was enough for him. He loved him so much. A little more everyday.

 

He was jealous of Amelia, with her perfection, with her warm smiles, she could have what he was longing for. He was jealous of each woman or man that could be with Michele in a way Emil could only imagined.

 

“What does she have that I don't? Why I can’t have what she has, Micky?” he was crying, he could feel tears on his face. God he was so pathetic. And Michele was looking at him with wide eyes, he was clearly confused. Of course, he couldn’t believe Emil wanted more, that he dared to dream to be more.

 

“I know, I know. I will never be enough. I know that I shouldn’t ask you this, but why? Why she is enough and I’m not.”

 

Michele was worried by Emil’s outburst “Emil you’re drunk, just go to sleep. C’mon. We’ll talk about _Amelia_ tomorrow.” He was going to leave. Emil didn’t want that. He never wanted Michele to leave him, he wanted his friend with him forever. He took his hand, or it was what he thought he did because Michele stopped and turned to watch Emil.

 

“Don’t go, please. I know I’m not good for you, I know. I know there are people out there much better than me. But don’t go, not now. They can wait. Stay here. Stay with me. I can try, I want to try…” Emil wasn’t sure he had said everything he had in his head, or that what he had said made sense. He was just sad, he was crying and he was falling asleep.

 

He could feel Michele near him, he wasn’t leaving. Every woman, every man, every Amelia in the world had to wait, maybe one day they could have Michele, but in that moment he wasn’t leaving Emil.

 

He wasn’t leaving.

 

He was with him…

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


“So you think we should do this? Are you sure?”

 

“We should absolutely do this! I mean, have you seen them? They need help. Now.”

 

It wasn’t unusual for Mila and Sara to spend the night after a competition together, after the traditional night spent somehow with Michele and Emil, it was implied that one of the two girl would have joined the other in her room.

 

It was probably what is called to be girlfriends.

 

Their relationship started over 7 months before, they didn’t really announced it but it wasn’t a secret either.

 

“So what, I just start flirting with Emil out of the blue? I don’t think your plan will work. I don’t think Emil would even acknowledge that I’m flirting with him... Michele instead would pretend to not care, you know he acts as creepy and jealous man only for you, and I know he’s dumb, but he clearly knows of us.” She said licking chocolate from her finger. Chocolate wasn’t really good for their diet, but they always had some as reward after competitions.

 

“When don’t need Emil to acknowledge your flirting, we just need Michele’s attention. And I know he knows, but Mickey’s logic doesn’t work well when somebody is breathing the same air of somebody he cares about.” Sara stretched her leg laying them on her girlfriend’s lap.

 

“When we left Michele and Emil alone last time something definitely happened. Michele had been distracted for days, and tensed each time I mentioned Emil. C’mon love, you can’t say you don’t see what I see.”

 

Emil had always been the only person her brother wanted to talk to, Sara was happy for his twin to have found a friend who didn’t care about his bad attitude, but something had changed since after the night Michele had spent alone with Emil, of course Michele hadn’t share any detail with Sara. Still, it was clear that the little boy that had followed his brother for years like a puppy had transformed: first in his best friend and now was looking at him with a longing Sara knew well. Michele was dumb, but there was something in his action that said the feeling was mutual.

 

“Ok, ok let’s play matchmaking with your grumpy brother and the cheerful Emil, at least we know for sure that their children will be gorgeous.” Mila said bringing another finger full of chocolate towards her mouth, but Sara stopped her hand mid-air liking the chocolate.

 

Mila looked at her offended “My chocolate! How could you?” Then she pulled Sara’s shirt bringing her girlfriend down for a kiss.

* * *

  


There were times when homicide seemed a rational and obvious decision. Michele knew that most of the times there was probably a better solution, and even shouting at people, because he understood that killing wasn’t really nice _or legal,_ didn’t seem the best way to deal with another person.

 

But what he was supposed to do when Mila decided to spread herself on Emil all day long.

 

His relationship with Emil was… complicated. It had take a strange turn over a month before, when a drunk Emil had started blabbering about the non-existent Michele’s fiancé, it had been some sort of weird and uncommon jealousy scene. Because Michele could have been dumb and dense about many things, but he was an expert of jealousy scenes and he knew how to recognise one when he saw one.

 

That night he had stayed with Emil until he fell asleep, then he left and went for a walk in the middle of the night. He didn’t remember much of what he did that night, he just remembered thinking of Emil all night long. Because yes, Emil was his friend, yes, it was probably one of the most important person of his life (not that he would have ever admitted that), but maybe, just maybe there was a possibility for something more.

 

There was still the possibility that Emil’s actions had been influenced just by the alcohol in his body and he didn’t mean a single word of those speech.

 

But, in the end, the problem wasn’t Emil’s feelings but Michele’s.

 

Michele decided, when he found himself sitting on a bench at four in the morning, that he wasn’t ready for the answer.

 

So when Mila decided to spend the day trying to get Emil’s attention and touching him in all the possible way, Michele was irritated for two different reasons.

 

The first was that seeing Mila flirting with Emil so openly was literally killing him, and the other idiot didn’t even seem to notice, but he was trying not to think about it. The second was that his sister had something to do with what was happening. It was clear.    

 

He decided that enough was enough when Mila took Emil’s arm laughing excessively at one of his jokes. They were sightseeing, not doing anything in particular, he stopped to talk to his sister when Emil entered, _with Mila,_ in some sort of nerdish shop.

 

He took her by her arm “Sara, stop this now.”

 

She looked at him with a false surprised expression he could recognise with his eyes closed “What’s this? What are you talking about?”

 

“Don’t I-don’t-know-what-are-you-talking-about me, I’m not mum and we are not eight anymore. What you and Mila have contrive has to stop now. You can’t just play with people like that, you have to stop bothering Emil.” He had not raised his voice to not get the attention of the whole street, but his tone was firm and serious. Since they were kids Michele had always made a fuss over everything, but Sara knew the tone he used when something was really getting on his nerve.

 

But she clearly decided to ignore it “We aren’t doing anything and Emil doesn’t seem bothered. But you clearly are, maybe you’re talking with the wrong person.” She said with a smile that put the final signature on the show Mila had made for the entire day.

 

That irritated him even more “No Sara, do not even try to-”

 

His threat was interrupted by Mila and Emil return. He was still talking with the russian but stopped when he saw Michele and Sara “Sorry guys, we can go now.” he looked the two siblings with a confused look: Michele was still holding Sara’s arm “ Did something happen? It’s all right?”  He sounded really worried, it was unusual for Michele to get angry with his sister.

 

Sara hugged Michele’s arm and watched him with a knowing look that matched the smile “Is there a problem Micky?” Michele watched first her, then his two friends. Emil looked even more confused and Mila’s face was a perfect copy of Sara’s.

 

“No problem at all, let’s go” He said with a forced smile, then he started walking away with his sister still attached to his arm.

 

* * *

 

_They won’t win this. Whatever this is,_

 

They decided to have dinner at the hotel, it was their last night together and they didn’t have choose yet the place of destination for the night. It was girls turn to pick up what to do.

 

But how they would have spent the night wasn’t a problem for Michele. He had other things to think about as, for example, to not look at Mila and Emil.

 

His sister and her girlfriend, because that _thing_ was the last confirmation that there were something between them, hadn’t finished their little game and Mila was still stuck to Emil. He tried, he really tried to not be bothered by what was happening.

 

He failed.

 

He just wanted to scream to stay away from Emil, but of course he couldn’t do that. Because first he didn’t had any right over Emil, they hadn’t talked about that night, probably he didn’t even remembered what had happened. Second, Michele wasn’t ready to admit what he was feeling for Emil, because of course he wanted him to be more than a friend but saying it out loud would have made it real. And third, he couldn’t let his sister win, she had nagged him to death with her questions and insinuations about his relationship with Emil.

 

He just wanted to keep Emil all for himself, without anybody laughing at him. He wanted to have Emil at his side forever without asking for it.

 

Even because he knew that, if he had asked, Emil would have smiled and made that extremely satisfied expression Michele had always wanted to punch. Or kiss.

So Michele’s plan was to ignore Emil and Mila for that night, they would have left the day after and eventually his sister would have given up with that idea. And everything would have been perfect again. Almost.

 

That was the plan.

 

He wasn’t good at following plans.

 

He had one job: stay still, don’t talk, ignore them. It wasn’t difficult.

 

Mila had turned again towards Emil to whisper something in his ear. It wasn’t the first time, and Michele was shifting his attention once again, but then Emil made the most uncomfortable face.

 

And that was enough.

 

They wanted to play with him, to bother him? It was okay, but Emil didn’t deserve to be molested further.

 

“That’s enough.” He almost shouted standing up from his chair. Emil was looking confused at him, but Sara and Mila were smiling. He couldn’t see them anymore. So he moved and grabbed Emil’s arm, then he left the restaurant with his friend, knowing that the two girls were still grinning.

 

He had left the room running, not really knowing where they were going, he stopped when he felt Emil pulling him by his arm. Michele realised that he was still holding Emil, so he left his arm. Not really knowing what to do with himself.

 

Emil made the first move “What happened? Why are we here?”

 

Those were good questions, that waited good answers “What did Mila say to you?” He couldn’t answer Emil’s questions, he didn’t know, he just needed to bring Emil away.

 

The other blushed looking away “Nothing.”

 

“Emil.” Michele was calm, but he didn’t like the fact that the other was lying, actually he didn’t like the fact that Mila had said something to Emil he was so ashamed to share.

 

The other was still silent, not answering his question. Michele moved to touch gently Emil’s arm, it wasn’t something he would have done normally, but normally Emil wasn’t ashamed of anything “Emil.” He repeated softly.

 

Emil mumbled something inaudible, looking at his feet.

 

“What? I can’t hear you. Speak up Emil.”

 

“She asked what happened last time.” Emil was still not looking at him.

 

“Last time?” Michele was confused, of course he knew what had happened, but he didn’t say anything to Sara.

 

“Yes, I’m sorry about what happened, I didn’t mean to… you know. We didn’t really talked about it, but… I’m sorry.” Then Emil raised his head and watched Michele with a pale copy of his usual smile.

 

So they were talking about it in the end, they both had tried to avoid the topic, but it had been the topic to found them. Mila had forced them to talk about it, Emil had taken the first step and now Michele had to decided how to end the whole situation.

 

Just one word and everything would have returned to normality. He would have talked to Sara, and that little play would have finished for good, he could have returned to their friendship. No embarrassment, just as that night would have never existed.

 

Of course it was a lie, because Michele knew what it could have been. It was his last chance to make everything real, because he wanted Emil to be more than a friend, he knew that. It was so clear, he couldn’t see anybody except Emil at his side. He wanted Emil, his laugh, his terrible jokes, his patience, the fact that he was still with him despite his attitude. He was his best friend, maybe his only friend, but he was much more.

 

He had to be brave, it was so easy. But so difficult. “I’m not sorry, well I had to babysit you, but you said… interesting things” He said watching Emil.

 

“What are you talking about, it was ridiculous. I don’t even remember everything.” Emil was confused and he was still blushing, his back against the wall.

 

“But I do remember well, you were jealous. I’ve never seen you like that.” Michele said smiling.

 

Emil was no more ashamed, the red had left his cheeks, but the confused look hadn’t left his eyes. “So… it’s not a bad thing, is it?”

 

“Not really, no. Strange perhaps, usually I’m the jealous one.” He answered, his hands in his pockets, because he had to hide the fact that he was nervous.

 

“Well, with Sara. Yes.” Emil said with a laugh, but then Michele said something he couldn’t understand “Sorry, what?”

 

“Not just with Sara.” It was Michele’s turn to blush, he was embarrassed, but it was the moment, he had to do that. “Today, I wanted to shout to Mila, more than once.”

 

“Why?” Asked Emil, but then he answered himself “No wait, we are just friend, you know. And I don’t want to spoil you the surprise, but I’m pretty sure Sara and her are together together.”

 

“Yes I know, but still I didn’t want her to touch you like that, to talk to you like that. I don’t want anybody to be so close to you.” He said moving towards Emil, the hallway was empty, no one was looking at them. Michele could do it, he had to.

 

“Oh, OH” Emil said he’s face lighted up while he understood completely what Michele had meant with those words. “Well, you have nothing to fear. I have vague memories of that night, but I meant what I said. I want you to stay close to me.” He said moving.

 

Now they were chest to chest, it was exciting and embarrassing. But somehow it felt right.

 

“You don’t have to be jealous, I don’t want anybody else” Emil said, his faces so near to Michele’s.

 

“I know. But I’ll be jealous the same, it’s who I am, I can’t help it. Is it a problem?” Michele was smiling, so close to Emil he could feel his breath on his lips.

 

“I think I can handle it.” And with that he put his lips on Michele’s.

 

It was strange, embarrassing, he didn’t know what to do with his nose. But then he wrapped his arms around Emil waist, deepening the kiss.

 

Maybe he had lost the game with his sister, but he didn’t care.

 

It was perfect.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  


He knew it was unfair.

 

He knew it was childish.

 

He knew that _that_ wasn’t like him.

 

Simply, it was stupid.

 

Jealousy was something Emil had never really understood. The possessiveness that often came with jealousy didn’t match with his idea that people should have been able to stay wherever they wanted to stay.

 

He understood the reasons beyond it, the feelings that made people jealous, but in his opinion it wasn’t right. He had never been really jealous, of course he had ached and longed for people to stay with him, but nothing more. (Except maybe when he was younger, but he was a grown-up man now.)  

 

So he didn’t know what to do with himself when, for the first time, he had to manage with that mix of anger, sadness, possessiveness and even love that was growing in his chest.

They were at a charity event like many others, nothing new, nothing strange. He was having fun and Michele’s presence just made everything better.

 

Michele, his boyfriend. Even after months it sounded strange to call his best friend and crush with the new appellative. But they were both happy, Michele had confirmed that in those rare moments when they were alone and he felt magnanimous enough to open up a bit with Emil.

 

It was warm-up time before their exhibitions and Emil was happy, he was with his boyfriend, with his friends and he was going to skate.

 

_Perfect life._

 

He was going to get off the rink when he saw out of the corner of his eye Michele’s figure talking with somebody. He turned to see better. That somebody was a young woman, a pretty woman. He didn’t know why that was the first thing he noticed, but then his attention switched on warm the smile on her face while she was chatting with Michele, who apparently was talking as well.  

 

Of course Mickey was able to have a conversation if he wanted to and, since Sara’s outburst months before, it happened more and more often. But still there was something in that scene that disturbed Emil, he couldn’t tell what, but something.

 

He was still watching at the scene when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Emil what are you doing? Were you going to leave?” Emil turned to see Chris, who was participating as well at the event.

 

“Oh yes, sorry. Are you coming with me?” He asked moving and finally getting off the rink. Chris followed him, but with his head turned to watch where Emil was gazing before.

 

“What have you seen that drew your attention?”

 

“Nothing, I was just thinking” Emil said trying to deflect Chris interest. But it was clearly too late because the other was now looking straight to Michele and the woman.

 

“Oh I see. I never thought you’d be a jealous person Emil” he said with a mischievous smile.

 

Was it really jealousy? It didn’t made sense, they were just talking. “Nah, I’m not. I was just curious, I was trying to figure out if I know his friend.”  Was he?

 

Chris was clearly unconvinced and moved closer, Emil’s back touching his chest. “Emil, you know you can say anything to uncle Chris, do you?” He whispered in his ears keeping his voice down.

 

Emil laughed turning “Yes _uncle_ Chris, I know. Do you know you’re not that much older than me? But I swear that if anything interesting happens in my life you’ll be the first to know.”

 

Chris didn’t seemed to be satisfied by the answer “Are you sure? Because you stopped in the middle of the rink just to watch Crispino and a woman talking. You say that it was nothing, but the expression on your face didn’t agree. So jealousy it’s something I would say new and interesting, at least in your love life. What do you want to do? Go there, an arm around Michele’s waist, marking your territory with charm, or you feel you need to start shouting at her, following your boyfriend-style. It would be out of character but surely entertaining.” He said the smile still on his face.

 

Emil knew Chris was joking, probably (he wasn’t so sure). But what he was saying moved something inside him, something he really didn’t want to deal with. “No Chris I’m pretty sure that I don’t have in program screams nor jealousy attack. Sorry to disappoint you.”

 

Chris finally seemed to give up. “Ok, understood. No drama today. What a pity. See you later Emil.” And finally left Emil alone with his thoughts, at least for ten second when he heard another well known voice calling his name.

 

He turned to see Michele coming, alone, towards him. No woman in the nearby, and Emil had to stop thinking about that woman for God’s sake.

 

“Were you talking with Chris?” he asked. Emil just nodded moving to give Michele a rapid kiss.

 

“Anything interesting?”  

 

“Not really, no.”

 

* * *

    

Everything had returned to normality after the exhibitions: Chris wasn’t interested in him anymore, the woman was nowhere to be seen and the strange feeling was finally gone. They were at the refreshment the organization had arranged. He was with Mickey talking with some other participants, well he was talking, Michele was just standing there watching.

 

The Michele announced “I need a drink, will you wait here?” clearly the conversation wasn’t interesting enough for him.

 

“Yes, sure, nowhere to go. Can you bring me something too?”

 

“No.” Michele’s answer had been fast and secure.

 

“No?” Emil had probably misheard.

 

“No.” Ok, he hadn’t misheard this time.

 

“Can I have an explanation?”

 

“Do you want to repeat the last time we drunk together? Because I’m not sure.” He obviously wasn’t angry or anything, it was a rhetorical question.

 

“Well, it was fun.” Emil answered the same, smiling.

 

“Fun?” Michele asked raising an eyebrow.

 

“Oh c’mon Mickey, I was kidding. And I won’t get drunk again, especially not for one beer. You are not my mum, just make me this favour.” He was now laughing, because he wasn’t that pathetic to repeat two time the same drunk declaration of love.

 

“Ok, wait me. Just remember, this time I won’t drag you to your room.” And then he left.

 

After five minutes Michele hadn’t returned yet, it was strange, it wasn’t a big room, probably he had meet somebody who wanted to ask him something. So Emil decided to go searching for him.

 

It had not been a long search. And with Michele’s finding came back that nasty feeling. Because the woman had come back and was talking with Michele, again, who had a bottle of beer and a glass of wine in the hands and was smiling. Smiling. Michele.

 

Emil was happy, of course. Michele didn’t really bound with anyone,or even talk, and seeing him smile to anybody was something that filled Emil with joy. He was becoming a real boy, and Emil was so fucking happy.

 

But there was something else in the deep of his heart. Something he wanted to ignore, but kept coming back. Yes, Emil was jealous, and yes, he wasn’t proud of it. He wasn’t proud but he couldn’t stop himself when his feet started moving.

 

He had to stop, he was still in time.

 

“Mickey!” Too late. He was an idiot.

 

The other two turned to see him, the idiot, coming towards them.

 

Emil grabbed Michele’s arm, this time in his gesture there was something else, not only his usual exuberance.

 

Michele was still smiling “Emil. Your beer.” He said passing the bottle. “She is Alice, we were rinkmates years ago, a friend of mine and Sara.”

 

“I’m Emil, his boyfriend.” He didn’t say that in any particular way, there wasn’t malice in his voice nor possessiveness, and of course it wasn’t a treat. It was just a fact. But Emil knew better, he was just an idiot, the biggest and most childish idiot.

 

“The famous Emil, Sara had texted me a lot about you. Finally we meet.” She said shaking the hand that Emil had offered.

 

“You talk with Sara?” Michele asked surprised.

 

“Sometimes, when I left for Germany we exchange phone numbers and she said everything to me about your handsome Czech boyfriend that could tolerate your attitude.” Short brown hair framed her lovely face, she was smiling at Emil, who now was feeling even more stupid.

 

“Sorry, but now I really need to leave, my plane take off too early tomorrow, I should go to sleep. You know I can’t do things properly if I’m sleepy. It has been a pleasure to finally meet you Emil. _E Michele, ti prego, sembra un bravo ragazzo non farlo ammattire. Alla prossima!”_ She said in Italian, leaving before Michele could say anything.

 

Emil looked Alice leave the room, he was still feeling stupid, but he could feel some sort of relief. Then he realized that Michele was calling him. “What? Sorry I wasn’t listening.”

 

“I asked, what was that? You grabbed my arm, calling me your boyfriend.” Michele asked with a perplexed face.

 

“What? I always do that.” And it was true, but Michele knew him too well.

 

“Yes, you always jump on me. But this time was different.”

 

“No, it wasn’t.” Emil said with a frown.

 

“Yes, it was. And we are not playing this game. What’s the problem, Emil?” He sounded preoccupied, when he understood that Emil wasn’t going to answer his face lighted up with realization. “Wait, was that jealousy? Really?! Of Alice?!” he was laughing a little.

 

Emil blushed, embarrassed. “It’s not that I’m proud of it, I tried to not do anything stupid…”

 

“Well, you didn’t really succeed.”

 

“Yes, I know. But you were smiling, and you never smile. I mean, I was happy that you had meet a friend, but… I don’t know. I couldn’t help myself.”

 

Michele was now laughing, his arms around Emil waist. He kissed him lightly on his lips. “You are an idiot, I always knew. Listen, leave to me the role of the jealous one, ok? You don’t know how to do it properly. You have nothing to fear.” He whispered the last sentence, Emil knew Michele wasn’t comfortable with sharing his emotions, especially when they were about his relationship with Emil.

Emil kissed Michele again “Sorry, I had been stupid. It's the same for me, no need to be jealous. You have nothing to fear. “

 

Michele smiled ironically “I can’t help myself.”

**Author's Note:**

> "E Michele, ti prego, sembra un bravo ragazzo non farlo ammattire. Alla prossima!" = "And Michele, please, he seems to be a nice guy, please, don't drive him crazy. See you next time!"


End file.
